Embracing My True Self: A Journey of Letting Go, Healing, and Growth

There comes a time when you realize you can’t keep hiding behind the layers you’ve built to protect yourself from the world. For years, I compartmentalized my ideas, carefully wrapping them in different identities and personas to avoid showing the real me. But I’m done with that. I’m ready to let go of those shields and let the world see who I really am, to bring my ideas to life without filters and brand it all as myself.

Releasing my first album was a huge part of this journey. It was more than just music—it was me releasing old traumas and painful memories, things I needed to let go of to become a better person. Once it was out there, I felt a sense of relief, like I had made the first step in moving forward. Afterward, I took a much-needed break to process everything.

That break led me to Twitch, where I began streaming, and out of that came this amazing community built around Cities: Skylines and city-building. It became a space where I could be real with people, a place to open up about things that not many streamers would touch. That connection helped me for a while, giving me purpose and camaraderie. But eventually, I fell back into a familiar place—depression.

This time, though, I decided to face it differently. I reached out for the help I needed, started the right medications, and slowly, things began to make sense. It took some adjusting, but it’s made me a better person. I’m finally learning how to feel better, and that’s something I’m still working on every day. It’s okay to admit you can’t do everything on your own. Sometimes, asking for help is the only way forward, and taking meds isn’t something to be ashamed of if they help you feel like yourself again.

The truth is, even with this knowledge, it can still be hard to keep it all together. Sticking to a routine, especially with medication, has been challenging, particularly with my brain injury from my army days. It affects my memory, making it harder to stay on track, especially when things get overwhelming or stressful. But I’m figuring it out, bit by bit.

This year brought another incredible change: I became a father again to my third daughter, a beautiful redhead. Now I have one of each—a dirty blonde with beautiful highlights, a redhead, and a smart and sweet brunette. They’re like my own Sanderson sisters, each unique and amazing in her own way.

Being a father is a lot like being in charge of a major project, whether it’s for work or clients. It’s about shaping, guiding, and nurturing something from the ground up. Having the knowledge from both worlds makes me appreciate the balance between parenting and the work I do, each fueling the other in ways I hadn’t expected. Watching them grow and applying what I’ve learned as a father to my projects—and vice versa—brings a deep sense of fulfillment.

Now, I’m working on some major projects, and watching them come to life has been an incredibly rewarding experience. Each step forward reminds me that I’m capable and helps me feel like I’m truly on my way to becoming the person I’ve wanted to be.

This new blog is going to be a part of that. I’ll be sharing everything and anything that feels real to me, unfiltered. This is where I’ll be more me, and I hope it resonates with anyone who reads it.

Thank you for being here, for listening. One love.